Hey, Mom, I'm Gay

She was a bubbly, blue-eyed little thing. As a toddler, she slept with me often, always waking me up by tracing the features of my face with her little finger. I would slowly open my eyes, to see hers, looking into mine, with a smile that lit up my soul. My Bella.

I think I have known since she was a pre-teen. I mean...I knew. As a teenager, when most girls were boy-crazy, she was just into her "girl" friendships, and she seemed to have no interest in the opposite sex.
She was very affectionate towards some of her friends. I thought, too much so, but I was told "all girls these days are this affectionate with their friends. But I still just knew, whether this same sex affection was normal
 for most "straight" girls, or not.

I asked her several times over her teen years. Always saying "Just curious, you know I have no problem with anyone's sexual preference". But she always told me, "No mom". I tried over the course of about three years, to lovingly get her to open up to me about it, but yet trying not to be pushy. I thought she, also knew, that she was gay, and just did not trust me enough to tell me. I found out later, that she really just did not know.

I remember her "coming out". She did not come out to me, she came out, in the form of the "relationship status" on facebook while she was in the Army. One day I saw her new status in my news feed, it said "In relationship with "_____", a female name.

 Part of me was overjoyed that she had finally come out. Part of me was sad, that she felt she could never tell me. Part of me was just a tad worried that she was in the military, and posting this in a public manner.

Regardless, I did not make a big deal about it, I simply asked about the girl, how they met, what she was like. I did not want to make her feel uncomfortable. But I was very happy for her.

Within just days, of her coming out, the girl broke her heart. She caught her new and first "girlfriend", making out with a man. My heart broke for her. I mean, how courageous and hard it must have been to first off , tell the world you are in a relationship with  a girl, coming out for the first time ever, knowing that your army buddies would surely see your status, knowing your friends and family would now know. She was even going to bring this girl home for the holidays for us to meet. Then have all that new found freedom of rejoicing in who you are, and who you love ripped from you just days later? I literally felt physical pain in my chest for her.

But she got over her heartbreak, as we all do. She is in her second same-sex relationship currently, and this momma is so relieved, that she is happy, and chose a wonderful girl to date. Bella's girlfriend recently moved in with her, and I am so excited to meet her.

Adri, and my Bella

Just a few months ago, I asked her, "Bella, I have been asking you for years, if you thought you were gay, and you always said no, why did you not trust me enough to tell me?". Bella shrugged her shoulders and said "I just didn't know". To me, that was a weight lifted off my shoulders. To think that my child did not trust me enough to say "Mom I am gay", had been troubling me for years.

Here's the thing, and pertaining to the title of this post...to say you have to "deal" with having a gay child, is in my opinion, horrid, and very narrow-minded. It is not only humiliating for your child....but you also, should feel humiliated and embarrassed to even mutter those words. I knew my child was gay, long before she herself knew. Never once did I think, "How am I going to deal with this?". After all, what is there, exactly, to deal with? Nothing. In fact, the thought that kept crossing my mind throughout the years was "How can I help her know its okay to tell me, that I will not be ashamed of her, that I will not look down upon her, that I will not judge her, that she is perfect to me, whether gay or straight, or bi or whatever!!". Never once, did I think, "Oh man, my Bella is not going to have a traditional marriage, or maybe not even have children". Because..................IT'S NOT A THING!!!

A "thing" is when your child gets addicted to drugs, or gets pregnant at age 14. Your child is gay.....SO THE HELL WHAT? Are people really so "entitled" to think they have the right to set the standards on what is right and what is wrong? To me, it's the parents and people who scoff at others for their sexual orientation, that need the most help. These are the people who are abnormal. When I see my daughter, I see light, and love, creativity, and kindness. I don't see, gay, I don't see straight...I just see Bella.

If you are a parent with a child, grown, or not, who is LGBT, REJOICE in it. Your child is still your child. Everything you loved about that kiddo is still there, everything you adored about your child, is still in them. And please know, that YOUR child, is brave beyond words, to stand up to a world who sees them as "abnormal", and say "THIS IS WHO I AM". And you, as their parent, should be standing right there with them, REJOICING your beautiful child, not for who you want them to be, but, FOR WHO THEY ARE.

(Yes, I did get my daughter's permission, to write this and place it in my blog, hehe!)